Harvey Milk

     As a gay man, I am compelled to share with everyone,  that no longer will I hide behind fear and ignorance. I am a human being and deserve to be regarded in the highest esteem. In order for one to do great things, one must have a high self esteem. In the past mine has been very low. I have allowed certain people to adversely effect me, mentally and spiritually, in a negative way, and no longer will I tolerate this. I played drums for a rock n roll band for 8 years thinking, "I can change peoples lives, and views, about gay people, from within a homophobic scene." Today I give up that struggle. It's seemingly not worth it. I have, in the past, been scared to walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend. I'm here to blog you and say "NO MORE!" When I'm walking down the street holding hands with my boyfriend ... no one else matters.

 

     I've been to see the movie "Milk," twice. I've watched the 1984 documentary "The Times Of Harvey Milk." I must no longer be a part of the problem. I want to do something positive for the cause. In June 2009, I will be 40 years young! I have a struggle ahead of me and rock n roll is not part of that struggle. I must eliminate some things from my life. Cigarettes, negative attitudes, violence, discrimination, against myself and my fellow gay human beings. These are my goals for the new year.  

     I hope that something positive and pro-active will come of this blog. I stand to lose a lot in the next month or so if I don't find gainful employment. I may lose my home to foreclosure. I have student loans to pay. And all the other bills that so many Americans must pay. Things seem quite dire at the moment. I'm scared and lonely at the moment. My boyfriend, Ryan, and I are stranded by the Ice Storm of 2009 in separate living spaces. And I miss him terribly. 

     We met at the beginning of August, 2007. He was my summer romance! He told me then that he wished we could have met sooner, because on August 31st, 2007, he was leaving the country to teach English in Prague. I responded by saying, "let's live in the now." We spent every waking moment possible in each others arms. When the time came to say goodbye ... was hard. Of course we exchanged e-mails. Constantly. 

     My band had the opportunity to play a festival in Holland in April of 2008. I made arrangements to go to Prague after the festival. I spent a wonderful week with Ryan. He was my tour guide and lover for a whole week. We held hands in the park, we visited St. Vitus churrch, We shopped the open air market in Holeseviche. Most importantly, we made love many times that week. Blissful organic love. It Rained one day that week, so we just stayed at his apartment ... in bed! Today, not a moment goes by with out a thought of Ryan. 

     When I had to catch my flight back to the states ... I had to catch a bus to the Cologne airport. As we waited for that bus ... we talked about his return back to the states. At the time he was thinking of returning. He was homesick. When my bus arrived, he began to cry and I embraced him in my arms. I wanted so badly to stay. I should have, but then I would have been running away from my problems in Louisville. Anyway, I boarded that bus, found a seat, and looked out to that platform to wave goodbye and maybe blow a kiss ... but he was gone. It was probably the hardest day of my life.  

 

     He came back to Louisville a month later. His teaching contract was over and he was ready to come home. We've been together ever since. I offered my home to him, but he wanted to find a place close to campus with friends. He is in love with Old Louisville and I can certainly understand that. It is quite beautiful. We see each other, or at least talk to each other daily, but this ice storm is keeping everyone at home. It's been 2 days and 3 nights ... I miss him. 

So I'm starting this blog. I hope my TYPO-BABBLE is enlightening to those of you who are human too. Thanks for reading. Peace.